Late-Night TV
by Ukyou Kuonji
Summary: A one-hour challenge fic. A public service announcement from the LAST person who should be making 'em...


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LATE-NIGHT TV  
a Utena one-hour fanfic... chikusho...  
  
I guess there are spoilers in here... some of the scenes are from later episodes, but I don't think they'll make all *that* much sense.  
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(In the East dorm, at night. Utena and Anthy are asleep... sort of...)  
  
Utena (turning over): Mblph... Can't help thinking I'm forgetting something... znthkk...  
  
(and of course, she has. There's a small portable TV that's been left on in the corner. After a few minutes of white noise, the screen resolves into the emblem of a phoenix surrounded by a rose motif border.)  
  
TV Voice-over: You're watching KOTR-TV, Ohtori Academy's broadcast channel. And now, a public service announcement from your Chairman.  
  
(The scene on the television is one of streetlights passing by at a fast clip. There is the roar of a motor as the camera pans to the road itself. The road stripes scream as they pass underneath the hood of a red sportscar.)  
  
Off-camera voice: Ahem... AHEM!  
  
(The camera jerks around to the driver's seat. A handsome dark-skinned man with flowing white hair scowls breifly at the camera before resolving to a cool smile. The epaulets of his uniform flow in the wind in complete sychronisation with his hair.)  
  
Akio (yes, it's him): Thank you. Students, the automobile is your friend... (cut to a shot of Akio and Utena driving along the seashore at sunset) ...your lover... (dissolve to Akio lowering Utena into the backseat after returning to Ohtori) ...your servant... (Utena stands in an vast room, empty save for her and Akio. He spreads his arms in a gesture of summoning, and with the splintering of glass and the shreik of tires, the car pulls up in front of them) ...and your constant companion (Montage of Akio driving with Touga, with Juri and Shiori, with Miki and Anthy, with... well you get the idea). You can do anything in it (quick callback shot of Akio lowering Utena into the back seat, before returning to the apparant present, with Akio facing the camera from the driver's seat) ...even this!  
  
(The camera cuts to Akio's hand as he shifts into third, then fourth, then overdrive. The roar of the engine is nearly deafening. Oddly enough, in the dorm room, all this noise the TV is making fails to rouse either Utena or Anthy... or Chuchu, for that matter. The camera follows Akio's hand as he grips the top of the windscreen and vaults over it, coming to rest in a languid sitting position on the hood. He leans back, and begins to laugh, but abruptly cuts off, and turns to face the camera, still shooting from the front seat.)  
  
  
Akio (hissing at the cameraman): Get up here, and get a shot from my front, dammit! That's my good side!  
  
Cameraman: Are you sure? I *like* this angle...  
  
Akio (now through clenched teeth): Touga, you pansy! Get in front of the car and take a shot! And cut until the shot's lined up!  
  
Touga: But we're going 150 Kph!  
  
Akio (furious): Just do it!  
  
(Camera cuts to the front of the car. Akio is all smiles as the car continues to speed along. Touga is sitting in the passenger side, looking rather worried. No one is driving the car, so you can understand why.)  
  
Akio: As you can see, you can do so much with your car. Except one...  
  
(Akio flips around, and crawls, chanteause-style toward the camera, which is apparantly mounted on the car like a hood ornament)  
  
Akio: NEVER... drink and drive.  
  
(Touga facefaults. Akio turns around)  
  
Akio: Something WRONG, Mr. President?  
  
Touga (quickly attempting to regain his composure and a neutral expression): No, Mr. Chairman... only...  
  
Akio (with a dangerous edge to his voice): Only... WHAT?  
  
Touga: Why is drinking and driving more dangerous than this? (He points to the vacant driver's seat)  
  
Akio: Did I say it was?  
  
Touga: But you just said...  
  
Akio: I said you can never drink and drive. I didn't say it was more dangerous.  
  
Touga: Uh... so we can go 150 Kph without a driver, and that's okay, but we can't drink and drive?  
  
Akio: Of course not. Since when have you seen any alcohol on campus?  
  
(Touga facefaults as the car speeds up. The wind shear tears the camera loose and it bounces several times over the hood of the car - creating some really funky images - before landing with a crash on the side of the road. Jump cut back to the KOTR-TV logo)  
  
Voice-over: We now return you to KOTR-TVs regular broadcast of "Bloopers and Practical Jokes"...  



End file.
